Better to Have Loved and Lost
by Nuttyginger
Summary: Nobody finds their soul mate at ten years old. Young love was never meant to last but can age and tragedy bring them back together or is there really no going home again?
1. Spring 2001

**Disclaimer - All publicly ****recognizable**** characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author (that would be ME). No copyright infringement is intended.**  
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Summery - Nobody finds their soul mate at ten years old. Young love was never meant to last but can age and tragedy bring them back together or is there really no going home again?**

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**Better To Have Loved and Lost…**

**Spring 2001**

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Bella double checked the map in her hands. She was looking for Canaday Hall, famous home of Harvard freshman. She was looking for one freshman in particular; her boyfriend, Edward Cullen, if you could still call him that. The grounds were beautiful. Flowers were starting to bloom and the trees were starting to bud. The campus reminded her of the sandstone buildings she had seen in Oxford the previous summer. She smiled at the memory. That had been a trip of firsts.. Edward's parents had taken her to the UK on a family trip with them. Carlisle, Edward's dad, had been invited to speak at a prestigious conference on gene therapy and had taken the family with him. Esme, Edward's mom, had always considered Bella family from the first time that Edward had insisted that Bella come for dinner as his best friend, aged five.

It had been an amazing trip. Esme had left them to their own devices while she explored British homes described in Jane Austen and castles hundreds of years old. Edward had dragged her around the gardens, catching kisses in hidden nooks and crannies. It wasn't history that held Edward's attention. It was the first time that she had seen a real castle and watched as her favorite novels came to life around her.

Bella tried to smile as the memory of her first night with Edward washed over her. His hands as they caressed her body. His mouth as he sucked and tasted her skin. They may have both been virgins that night, but it had been the most amazing night of her life...after the awkwardness and pain had passed. She swiped at the tear that slipped down her cheek. It had only been six months ago, yet it felt like years since they had shared that closeness.

The sign outside the red brick building proclaimed that she had reached her destination. She adjusted the small backpack hanging from her shoulder, squaring herself up before heading inside. The halls were filled with students running late to class. Class. Where Bella should be right now at UDub. Instead she was over on the other side of the country, looking for her boyfriend who she hadn't heard a thing from in three weeks. Her phone calls had gone unreturned, her emails unanswered. Three weeks since they last had spoke was unusual for them, but Bella chalked it up to the rigors of their first year at college. Esme and Carlisle had refused to take sides and ask Edward what was going on so she had used her meager savings and bought a return ticket to Boston. All she needed was to see his face and everything would be okay again.

635. Edward's room. Bella raised her hand and then hesitated. Was it going to be like those high school movies on TV? Would she open Edward's door to find him in bed with some hot, blonde, fashion major? Bella shook her head. This was Edward Cullen she was thinking of. Mr. Straight A, AP class Edward Cullen. Instead, she drew in a deep breath and lifted her fist again.

She could hear a shuffling behind the door as footsteps drew closer. The door opened, Edward stood there in his familiar, home-coming glory.

"Bella?" Edward breathed.

A sob choked in Bella's throat. Her gaze raked his body for signs of injury. For any sign as to why he hadn't been in contact.

"Bella!" Her gaze drifted back to his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

The sob finally escaped her throat in a whimper. Instead of the sparkling joy of happiness at seeing her Bella expected to see in his apple green eyes, surprised, sorrowful eyes gazed back at her through his tortoise-shell glasses.

"Bella!" Edward whispered loudly.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his room and moved her over to his bed.

The Cullen's were a well off family so Edward had a room all to himself. Unlike Bella, who shared her room with an emo girl who liked to play heavy metal at two AM.

"What are you doing here?" He asked again.

This time Bella remembered her faculties enough to talk. "I was worried, Edward. It has been almost a month and nothing. I was worried! You could have called or emailed. Even a text would be a something."

Edward had the good grace to look guilty. "I'm busy, Bella. You knew that college would be hard for both of us."

Bella was at UDub on full scholarship and had to work hard to keep her grades up. Edward was studying architecture, a hard degree, even for his advanced intellect. They were also suffering from the same stresses that most high school couples do when they keep their relationship going at college; distance, separate lives, mistrust.

"But this hard?" Bella sobbed.

Her collected visage collapsed and she crumbled a little more. She knew things had been strained at Thanksgiving and even more so at Christmas. They had sat down just before New Year's Eve and talked it through. The last night they had truly been together. That night had been magical, like their troubles had all drifted away. Now she could see it was just a band-aid when really the wound needed several surgical stitches.

"God, Bella. I love you so much. You're my best friend. I just can't do this anymore. It all hurts too much."

She managed a small smile. This was her Edward; concise and to the point. Some people called it blunt. Bella called it honesty and she loved him even more for it.

"I know." She muttered, burying her head in her hands.

Edward drew her closer to his side. Her tiny body fitted to him like a glove, her tears dampening the thin t-shirt he wore. It always seemed so right when they were like this.

"What do we do?" Her voice was timid but resigned.

"I think we know. I think we both know that it's over for now. I wanted to talk to you at Christmas but then…New Years. I thought we could make it work, that I just missed you so much. Then I came back here and my friends were here and… " His voice trailed off. Neither of them needed an explanation, the writing was on the wall.

Bella nodded against him as a fisher split through her chest. Honesty hurt but love hurt even more.

"How did you get here?"

"I used my savings to get a flight and then I caught a cab at Logan. My flight home is booked for tomorrow. I have mid-terms starting."

"Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?"

Bella shook her head. "I came to see you. I thought I could stay here with you, but now…" She mumbled against his chest. Realizing she was still in his embrace, she stepped away. "Well, I could, um, I could find a hotel."

Edward shook his head vigorously. "No way, absolutely not. You can stay here tonight. I don't even want to consider you roaming Boston's streets tonight, trying to find somewhere to stay." Edward stood and walked to his chest of drawers. He pulled out his old 'Forks High' track t-shirt and handed it to Bella.

There was finality to their awkward movements around each other. Bella hid her body from Edward as she clumsily changed into his offered t-shirt. She felt uncomfortable, him seeing her body, even though he had seen her naked lots of times. He had even helped her re-dress after their passionate night in the Cullen tree-house at New Years. Had it really been three months since that night? She knew it had been three months.

For the first time since they were five years old, Bella and Edward slept in the same room but not the same bed. That door had closed and neither knew if it would open again.

As morning broke, Bella stuffed the previous day's clothes into her backpack along with the t-shirt Edward had given her. A thin shaft of muted light came through the blinds, showing dawn was finally rising. He looked like the innocent young boy she first befriended on her first day at Forks Elementary school, not a care in the world and totally at peace. Even as she silently fled his dorm room, she kept that sleeping face in her mind. Her hand gently ran over her flat stomach as she waited for the cab. Edward Cullen would never know of the miracle that came from their cherished New Year's Eve night nor that her body had decided it was never to be three weeks ago. Only one other person would ever know and she knew they would take it to the grave.

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**I originally wrote this as a one shot for the I Hate Myself For Losing You contest but have decided to publish it in a more reader friendly, four chater short story. I will updat on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (AEST) or Saturday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the rest of the world.**

**Big thanks to my girl and beta Perry Maxwell. Please let me know what you think. This is kinda outside my usual field of comfort and i sat and wrote it in six days (the whole thing that is).**


	2. Summer 2006

**Better to Have Loved and Lost...**

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**Chapter Two - Summer 2006 **

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Bella glanced at her watch for the twentieth time.

"Would you relax, Bella, you'll make the flight." Angela giggled. "You still have two hours before the flight closes."

Bella pulled her sleeve down over her watch. "I know, I know. It's just had this dream last night. I was lying in bed, reading the paper and I look over art the clock and the digits are bright red. 08:20 is blaring at me so I race out of bed and get dressed only to realize that I hadn't packed and by the time I make it to the airport the flight is long gone and the lady at the ticket counter looks like my mom."

Angela struggled to keep one hand on the wheel while covering her mouth with her other hand to stifle the giggles.

"Why your mom?"

"Who knows? Well my sub-conscious does so I'll ask it when I dream again. I think it is just nerves."

"Why are you nervous? They picked you to make the pitch so why are you nervous?"

Bella sighed. She knew why she was nervous. The pressure. After graduating with her BA in Government and International Relations, Bella had joined the graduate program at BNP Paribas in New York. Moving half a country away from everything she had ever known had been scary but liberating. The fresh start that she needed. Her time at the University of Washington had been life altering, just as college was meant to be. Her shy shell had been shed, along with the childhood puppy fat after joining the swim team. It turned out that Bella Swan was really a penguin; clumsy as hell on land but graceful and fast in water.

In the year that she had been with BNP had been a steep learning curb. Her boss had pushed her and pushed her to succeed and Bella had finished her year top of the class. In reward for being top of the 2006 graduated intake, Bella was on her way to spend a month in the Shanghai office to learn the advancing China market. When she started her degree back in 2001, she would never have imagined that she would be working as an investment analyst for a French bank. She had grand illusions of going off to work for the UN or the State Department. It just proved that you never know the direction your life would take.

"What's the airline?" Angela asked, her giggles finally subsiding.

"Um, AA. Connection via LA." Bella drawled. "Twenty hours in a tin can."

"Steel." Angela interrupted. "Twenty hours in a steel can. At least you are escaping the June heat. Plus you can't complain too much, you are flying business class, you even get a bed."

"I know." Bella clapped her hands in excitement. "I've never flown business class before."

Angela pulled up into the terminal waiting area. Even at six in the morning the airport was busy. New York really was the city that never slept. Bella bundled her suitcase and carry-on backpack that contained her laptop out of the trunk of Angela's beat-up VW Golf.

"I can't believe my Maid of Honor is jetting off to China three months before my wedding." Angela moaned.

"It's okay. I can do what's left by email and the rest, your bridesmaids can take care of. Ben has Mike to help him with the groom's stuff, not that they have much to do."

"I know, I know but the time difference will make it harder for me to pick up the phone and have a rant." Bella drew her friend into a reassuring hug. "Well you call me when you get to Shanghai, let me know you have arrived safe."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Why do people say that at airports? If I don't make it to my destination, you'll hear about it on the news."

"Bella, that's a terrible thing to say. You better get going."

Bella hugged Angela hard again. "Give my hugs to Ben and I will see you soon."

x-x-x-x

"Can I see your boarding card ma'am?" The young member of staff asked beside a glass sliding door asked.

Bella handed her pass over which was scanned and the glass door slid open. It was as if she was entering an exclusive nightclub. This was the business class lounge. Another suited staff member came into view.

"Ms Swan?"

Bella looked behind her and then around her until she realized that she was Ms. Swan. "Yes, that's me."

"We have a message from your office. Would you come with me to the reception desk?"

Bella nodded and followed the woman. She waited as the woman flicked through some pigeonholes.

"Bella? Bella Swan?" A smooth voice called out behind her.

That voice. She knew that voice. A voice from so long ago. A voice that used to be as familiar to her as the beat of her own heart. It took all her nerve to turn her body from the safety of the reception desk and the wall staring back at her.

Once she had managed to turn her body, her gaze drifted along the floor, meeting large feet encased in dark brown leather shoes. Her eyes continued up his legs, his torso until she could no longer ignore his face.

"Edward?" She whispered.

His body may have changed, taller and more built than she remembered, but that cocky half smile and his apple-green eyes hadn't changed a bit. It was like being cast back over five years. Those eyes that she fell in love with, that used to look at her with love and awe. How they darkened when they were together, when he…

Bella shook her head as if her mind was an etcher-sketch and it would erase the memories.

"Yeah. You remember me, huh?" Edward smiled, a playful smirk edging out his grin.

"Of course I do. It's only been five years, you haven't changed that much."

"Wow, Isabella Swan. I can't believe…of all the places…"

"Miss? Miss?" A voice called behind her, tugging her from Edward Cullen's bewitching eyes.

"Miss Swan, your message from your office."

Bella took the paper and flipped it open, almost thankful for the interruption. It was from her boss informing her that her contact in Shanghai had changed. It gave Bella a moment to gather her thoughts. Edward Cullen, her first boyfriend, her soul mate, and her best friend was standing in front of her after five years of absence from her life. Except he wasn't her best friend anymore and no one finds their soul mate at ten years old, right?

Bella took in a deep, self-assuring breath and turned around to face Edward again. As soon as she clapped eyes on his green peepers she was lost again. God, did he have this effect on her back in the day?

"Not bad news I hope?"Edward motioned to the paper still clutched tightly in her hand.

"Huh?" She looked down at the paper. "Oh, no. It's from my boss. I'm going away for a work thing."

"Do you have time to catch up?"

Bella glanced at her watch. It was later than she expected, security had been excessive and busy. "Sure, I have about half an hour."

"Let's grab a drink and a seat."

Edward led her over to the bar. There was a server standing behind it, looking bored.

"Alcohol? It's only seven in the morning."

"Ah, but you are on airport time now. There is no such thing as non-drinking time. What do want to drink?"

"Um, red wine, please. A pinot noir if they have it."

Edward smiled at her before turning to the bartender with the order. She grabbed her laptop bag from the floor and wandered over to some near-by free seats. As she pulled the sleeves of her hoodie off, she caught sight of her slightly shaking hands. _What the hell was going on?_ At least the alcohol would fix that problem.

The glass of red wine was put down in front of her. Bella grasped it and look a healthy swig. The warm, coursing bite of the wine settled her stomach slightly and offered her reassurance.

"I can't believe it's been five years since I last saw you." Edward started and then looked away.

Bella thought she saw a shock of shame flash in his eyes but it was gone so quick she couldn't be sure. "We were so young then. I know it wasn't that long ago but I have grown up a lot since then." Bella smiled sadly then hid it behind a more cheerful smile. "So where are you off to? It is an airport after all."

Edward chuckled. "I'm actually on my way to Forks. It's been a while so I'm going to see my parents. Jasper is going to be home as well, so Mom will be in her element."

Bella smiled fondly. Esme and Carlisle still flashed into her thoughts on a regular basis. She felt shame heat her cheeks as she regretted losing touch with her second family. Esme had been the closest thing she had ever had since her real mother, Renee, had left when she was just nine. Esme had taught her to cook, took her shopping for her first bra and her prom dress. Carlisle had never once tried to take Charlie's place, but he had taken on the role of uncle. He had sat her and Edward down one day when they were fifteen and gave them the facts of life talk. Charlie had tried that earlier that day but it had ended up with Charlie bright red and blustering while a carrot and a donut lay abandoned on the kitchen table. Carlisle and his clinical talk had been easier than Charlie's stuttering explanation.

"I miss them. How are they? It's been years since I saw them."

"They are good. Mom is still driving Dad mad. She opened up her own design business. Dad tried to settle down his conference travel so he is at home more. Mom thought it would be great to have him around more, but he drives her around the bend sometimes. She is trying to convince him to take up golf with…"

"My dad. I know. He told me when I last called. Though I think he is trying to convince Carlisle that fishing is better than golf…there is beer involved in fishing."

Edward tittered. "Sounds like The Chief. How is your old man?"

"He's fine, though you can find that out for yourself when you get to Forks."

"No doubt. So what about you? Where are you going?"

"China, well Shanghai. I'm going for a month with work."

Edward sat back in his seat, twirling his bottle of import beer, a look of surprise on his face. "Wow. That's just…wow. Mom said that you were working for some fancy European bank these days. What happened to the dreams of work peace and democracy?"

Bella felt her heckles rise. "I still believe in that, I'm just not working in the machine towards it. I took an economic class in my sophomore year and I was hooked on numbers. After I graduated, I took a graduate program for BNP Paribas."

"I'm so glad you've done so well for yourself. I can't believe it."

Bella smiled, not sure what to do about the wistful look on his face.

"What about you, Edward? What have you been up to?"

"Um, not much. I graduated and then took on my Masters. I've just finished, finally." His smiled seemed strained. "I have an internship with a company in the city so I will be in New York long term. Do you live here or just passing through?

Bella went into answer but was interrupted by a strawberry blonde strutting her way over to Edward and running her hand over his shoulder and down his arm.

"Eddie, honey. Where did you go?"

Edward shifted with a discomfort that had nothing to do with the beer that now sat like lead in his stomach.

"I, um…I bumped into an old gir…friend. Bella Swan, this is Tanya Denali. Tanya is my…girl…fianc…"

Tanya took a step forward, standing in front of Edward but to his side. She thrust a fake-nailed hand out toward Bella.

"I'm the future Mrs. Cullen." She bubbled, turning her hand so a large diamond on her ring finger glinted in the fluorescent lighting.

"Mrs. Cullen? Oh wow, congratulations Tanya, Edward. Seriously, congrats." Bella, sensing the slight hostility in the woman's stance and fake smile plastered on her face. She plastered her own fake smile in place. "Well you are joining an amazing family. The Cullens are old friends of mine."

"Oh I can't wait to meet them. Even Jasper is going to be there with his wife. Oh I forget her name.

Bella and Edward went to butt in but Tanya waved them off. Edward's glaze to Bella looked embarrassed and apologetic.

"Anyway, I can't wait to see casa de Cullen." Tanya giggled at her innate joke. "I can't wait to see what a small town looks like. I have lived my whole life in New York. All that small town gossip and big families all living on the same street. I looked Forks up on Google World. It only has about two streets. So small. Edward has told me all about his childhood there. Funny enough, he never mentioned you. Are you a friend from college?"

Bella continued to stare at Edward, disbelief and a fraction of hurt fluttered across her face. Of course no one would know about little old Bella Swan. An old high school girlfriend from back in the small town days.

'_Sorry'_ Edward mouthed.

Bella shrugged, hiding her emotions well. _'It's okay'_ she muttered back.

"Honey. Honey. Eddie." Tanya whined beside him, pulling on his arm on which she had a tight grasp. "They're calling out flight." Tanya turned to Bella. "We have to take about a billion flights then drive for hours."

Bella smirked, her gaze on Edward. "I know, I used to live there too.

Tanya pulled Edward away towards the gate's exit to the business glass lounge. As his bronze, disarranged locks disappeared behind the glass sliding doors, Bella realized that she hadn't even gotten his phone number.

She slumped back into her chair with an audible thud. That had been a blast from a not so distant past. Her musings were interrupted mid-gulp by the vibrating of her phone. Her eyes rolled when she read the caller ID.

"Hello Alice." Bella deadpanned into the phone. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I got the feeling you would need a phone call."

"A feeling? Alice it is, like, four AM on the west coast. What the hell are you doing getting feelings at four AM?"

"Not sure. Before I knew it, I was phoning you. Whatever you do, don't wear the white dress to your welcome dinner. White is a funeral color in Chinese culture."

"What? How…how did you know I wanted to wear the white dress? Oh, oh, oh, guess who I bumped…"Bella faded off at the sound of groaning in the background.

"One day, Bella Boo, you will learn not to question my sage advice." A deep voice rumbled on Alice's side of the line followed by Alice's high pitched giggle. "I have to go. Have a safe trip and see you in a month."

Bella sighed and turned off her phone. What a day, she mused as she drained the last of her wine. It was only eight AM and she was already ready to curl up and go back to sleep.

"_This is an advance boarding call for flight AA2378 to Los Angeles. This will be boarding through gate number 12B. "_

_Awesome_ thought Bella, she could do with getting out of America.

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**Someone asked what inspired this and all i can say is i spend a lot of time in airports and one of those times, i rndomly bumped into an ex-boyfriend i hadn't seen in six years. Could happen, you think...not really expected when you live 13,000 miles away from where you met said ex! **

**As always, thank you so much to my Beta Perry Maxwell and Charmie77, who gave me such wonderful words of encouragement.**


	3. Fall 2010

**Better to Have Loved and Lost...**

**Chapter Three - Fall 2010**

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The doorbell that ran through Bella's apartment never sounded go good. Bella pounded out from the bathroom managing to avoid the coffee table and the kitchen breakfast bar that usually clipped her hip while holding up her towel. She grasped the front door, while trying to balance the end of her towel in one hand with a half-full wine glass, and yanked it open. Her salvation stood in the doorframe, all five foot of her in her pixie glory.

"Alice, Alice, Alice. Do you know how much I love you right now?"

Alice held out a large square case and thrust it into Bella's spare hand as her towel started to slip.

"I don't know Bella, I come to New York to support you and your…Mike" She waved her hands around in the air with her nose scrunched up. "At least you didn't wash your hair. Now let's make miracles."

Alice clapped her hands together and marched through to Bella's bedroom. Bella had learned long ago just to let Alice do what whatever Alice wanted to do.

"Oh good, you went with the midnight blue one."

Bella laughed, her nerves finally untangling. Thank God for Alice. Bella had missed her best friend. She lived in Seattle with her partner, Jasper. The same Jasper that happened to be Edward Cullen's brother. Wow, Edward Cullen. That was a name that she hadn't thought about in a long time.

After bumping in to him at the airport Bella had flown off to Shanghai. It couldn't have come at a better time; she needed the distraction of not speaking more than a few words of Mandarin and a whole, enormous city to explore. Though it hadn't escaped her notice that if she hadn't been going to China in the first place, she would have never bumped into Edward Cullen in the first place.

When she finally managed to get a hold of Alice a week later, she had shared the news of bumping into Edward, Bella found out that Alice had also been in Forks that weekend. Edward had brought his fiancée home, much to the surprise of everyone. No one had even been aware he was dating. Alice had regaled her with stories of how Tanya had broken Esme's prize Le Creuset casserole dish that had been a wedding present and ruining the whole night's dinner at the same time. Coupled with the constant small comments, to say that Esme was not enamored to her new future daughter-in-law was an understatement.

After Alice had come back with news on the wedding a year later, Bella has told her that despite running into Edward, she had no interest in hearing about him or his new wife.

Alice guided her towards the chair in front of a full-length mirror. Bella sat down and studied her reflection. The face that stared back at her hadn't changed since she actually started paying attention to her appearance when she was sixteen. There were a few light 'crinkles' in her skin and her face had thinned out into a more mature look. When she was sixteen her eyes shone with a hope of the future, shining with joy and a love so young and innocent. Bella blushed and looked away as Alice bent down, make-up brushes in hand.

"Have I said how much I love you for being there tonight?" Bella smiled up at Alice as she mixed foundations in a pot. "I know you came to see me and this has gotten in the way but I appreciate the support."

Alice's brown eyes met hers. Worried stirred in their depths. It took Bella aback. Alice was her chipper ray of sunshine that had warmed the darkest times of her life. Alice took everything in her stride. Alice never let her worry show to anyone.

"What? What is it?"

Alice swallowed deep. "Bella, you know that Jasper and I didn't come out here just to see you. I know you told me you don't want to hear anything about him, but we're also here to see Jasper's brother. We're meeting up with Edward while we're out here too."

"He still lives in New York?"

"Yeah, he never left after graduating."

Bella knocked back a large swallow of wine, the harsh bite of alcohol keeping her grounded. "Oh, well. That's fine. It's great that you get to see him." Alice still looked hesitant. "What? What else?"

"You know this shindig tonight…"Alice trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Well…"Alice bit her lip. Loyalty was a tricky thing when you didn't know where it should land. "Well, um…just how nice do I have to play with Mike tonight?"

"Oh, Alice."

Alice held up her hand and nodded her head. "I get it, I get it. Not ragging on the boyfriend." She started to gingerly apply the foundation to Bella's face. "So while we are on the subject, how is it going with the old fart?"

"Alice!" Bella exclaimed. Her tone was angry but the up-turning of the corners of her mouth gave away her lack of force behind the reprimand.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just when I saw you settling down and finding the one, a trumped-up, Republican Senator wanna-be was not what came to mind."

Bella seemed to stare wistfully at the mirror in front of her, staring right though Alice. "I know, neither did I," Bella said softly. "Then again, not everything you claim to see turns out to be correct. I mean you used to say that I would end up with tall, dark and handsome man who liked to work with his hands. Mike is tall, blonde and handsome and he is good with his hands." Bella blushed.

"Who would have thought it? Mr. Traditionalistic is really Mr. Stud Muffin when the lights go out. You know what they say though; Boring in the boardroom, tiger in the bedroom. "

Bella blushed even more and tried to hind behind her now nearly empty wine glass.

"Jeeze, look at you, Bella. You're such a harlot these days."

Alice bumped Bella's shoulder and the two looked at each other giggling. Bella smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time. She had missed her best friend so much.

"Speaking of blushing. Has Mike started dropping hints yet?"

Bella swallowed down the last of the wine in her glass and pulled a sour face. "Well, I found a receipt for Tiffany's in his sock drawer. I wasn't snooping." Bella was quick to point out. "I was looking for socks because my feet were cold. Anyway, it wasn't the itemised receipt, just the credit card approval but it was for well over a thousand dollars so that could only mean one thing, right?"

Alice leapt to her feet and started jumping on the spot while clapping her hands. "Oh, you so have to let me help plan the wedding!" Alice all but squealed. "This is amazing." Alice noticed that instead of a look of happiness on her best friend's face, she looked more than a little uncertain.

"Bella, what's up? You are going to say yes?"

Bella shrugged the look off her face and hid it away. "Of course. It was just the thought of letting you loose on my wedding..."

Both girls pealed out in laughter before Alice settled back down to finish her make-up.

x-x-x-x

Bella climbed out the limo and smoothed down her dress, hoping it hadn't become too wrinkled in the ride over. Mike had arrived as promptly as ever. Alice had just finished her hair and was helping Bella into her dress when they heard the doorbell buzz. It was the driver to tell them the car had arrived. Alice had huffed that Mike had not come up to meet her and had instead sent the driver. Bella just told her to shush and help her into the dress and shoes. Alice had taken a cab to go and meet Jasper at their hotel and would be at the party a bit later. Bella surmised that they were meeting Edward for dinner for coming to support her. What a tangle web her best friends weaved with their loyalties.

Bella reached for Mike's hand and went to intertwine her fingers with his, hoping the feel of his hand in hers would sooth her raging mind. Instead he shook her fingers loose and placed them in the crook of his elbow and patted them into place before leading her up the stairs.

"I can't believe I am late to my own party." Mike grumbled.

"I said I was sorry."

"You know how important this is to me, Bella. I need the support and money from the people in that room. They need to know that I am dependable and have the ability to represent their interests in the Senate."

Bella tuned him out; she had heard this speech more than once. Mike's life revolved around becoming a senator and how to become a senator. That included kissing ass with every businessman and high-roller in the New York state area. Bella realised that she had become the perfect trophy girlfriend. Her fashion tastes had changed to suit a more matured woman, one way beyond Bella's years. She was highly educated and a Police Chief's daughter, a well respected profession of his future wife's father. Was her sense of self one thing she had to sacrifice for love?

Bella signalled to the bartender again to top off her glass. She had lost count around her fourth or fifth glass and the canapés they had served had in no way lined her stomach. Bella scanned the room and then glanced a quick look at her watch. _Where is Mike?_

"Are you sure?"

"There is only one way I am getting through this and it is with the help of my friend called 'Vino'."

The bartender nodded and poured her another glass of pinot noir and turned away to serve another guest.

"Of all the _gin joints in all the towns_ in all the world, she walks into mine." A velvet voice crooned close to her ear.

Bella jumped, her wine glass swaying from side to side before a hand flashed out and set it steady. Bella swung around on the barstool, her brain taking a second or two to catch up with the sudden movement.

A familiar set of apple-eyes stared back at her. They crinkled as the eyes smiled back at her.

"Edward?" Bella exclaimed. _Of all the gin joints indeed._ "What are you doing here?"

"What no, hi? How you doing? Where you been for the last five years?"

Bella could do little but gape at Edward, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. "What are you doing here?"

"Your boyfriend invited me. He is trying to seduce my partner into offering money and support."

"Mike wants the support of your wife?" Bella was beyond confused.

"Not that kind of partner. My partner in business. My partner, James, and I run a large architectural firm here in the city. Your boyfriend wants to court us because we deal in some big city contracts so we could sweet talk to the mayor for him."

Bella giggled at Edward's deadpan attitude. Looks like Mikey failed to impress tonight. "Does he know you're a democrat?"

"No. Does he know you're one?"

Bella shook her head. It felt as if her eye balls were swishing around in their sockets. Though feeling drunk a few minutes ago when she had been talking to the bartender, she now felt remarkably sober. As Edward sat down beside her, she took in his appearance. Though his eyes were still their ever beautiful green, there were slight lines around them that aged him slightly beyond the boy-hood best friend she had known. His body seemed slumped in defeat as if he gone through a great trial recently and lost.

"How are you, Edward?" She asked, laying a hand on his knee as if it were the natural thing to do.

"I'm a mess. How are you?"

It was comforting to know that Edward had lost none of his blunt honesty.

"What happened?"

"You remember Tanya? She was the fiancée that you met at the airport when we last met."

"She was certainly not hard to forget. Alice said that you had married. I guess a belated congratulations is in order...four years belated."

"You might want to put a hold on the party just for the minute. We divorced six months ago." Bella's hands flew to her mouth in disbelief. "You mean Alice didn't tell you? I thought Alice was your Cullen news ticket."

"No, I never knew. I asked Alice to end the ticket after I heard you had married. There was no point. You and I were not friends anymore. I am so sorry to hear about you and Tanya, Edward. It must have been an awful thing to go through."

"Ha, you should tell my family that. They wanted to throw a party when the decree came through. Esme never took to Tanya and Jasper had a well hidden dislike of her." Edward caught Bella checking her watch again. "I'm sorry, am I keeping you?" He motioned to her watch.

"What? Oh, no. I am just wondering where Mike is. He never leaves me alone for this long. He doesn't trust me not to say or do anything that might put him in a bad light." Bella rolled her eyes at the statement.

"Well, do you want me to help you look? I think I saw him outside near the elevators."

"That would be great if you don't mind. I just want to tell him I am heading home. It's been a long day."

"Sure."

Edward led Bella towards the elevators, asking the odd person if they had seen the man of the hour. No one had. Edward and Bella finally made it to the bank of elevators where Edward had last seen Mike. He was nowhere in sight, in fact there was no one in the hallway at all.

"Okay I give up. I'm just going to catch a cab home."Bella said, her last ounce of patience wearing out.

"Shhhh." Edward held a finger to her still moving lips. "Do you hear that?"

Bella stopped talking and concentrated. There it was. A moan. Followed by a high-pitched whimper like someone had stepped on the tail of a small handbag dog.

"Oh, baby, right there." The high-pitched voice squealed out.

"Who is it?" Bella whispered loudly.

Edward stared at her, one eyebrow cocked in disbelief. "How the hell would I know?" Edward whispered back.

"Well have a look."

"Oh, I'm not looking. You wanna know so badly, you look."

"I can't look. It might scar me. Plus I'm a woman, women aren't Peeping Toms."

"Oh so it's okay for me to be scarred for life and possibly arrested?" The moaning got louder and the high-pitched squeaks more rhythmic. "Right, we'll do 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' once and the loser looks."

Bella weighed up her options. "Fine. Ready?" Bella stared at Edward's clenched fist as if she could tell what he was going for. "One. Two. Three." She closed her eyes.

Bella opened her hand flat and then opened her eyes. A triumphant grin spread on her face as she stared at Edward's still clenched fist.

"I won. You have to peek."

Edward turned away and walked towards the closet where the constant thumping was coming from. He slowly opened the door and peered in. As soon as it became apparent who was in there, he slammed the door shut. Still the pounding continued.

"Who was it?" Bella took in Edward's white face. "Ohmigod, was it someone we know."

Edward didn't answer, his mouth frozen in shock. Bella moved around him and grasped the door handle.

"No, Bella. You shouldn't look in there."

But it was too late; Bella had pulled the door open. A familiar blonde-haired man had his back to her. His navy pin-striped suit pants that she had picked out were around his ankles with a pair of silk boxers caught just around his knees. A pair of Christian Louboutin heels clad legs were wrapped around his waist while her arms were wrapped around his neck. A diamond tennis bracelet dangled from one wrist. Tiffany's, Bella was betting.

"Oh, Mikey, baby, right there." The high-pitched voice screamed.

Lauren.

Bella should have known. Late nights in the office, working on the 'campaign'. God, she had been a fool. The door was slammed shut as Bella ran as fast as her heeled feet would carry her. She could hear Edward pounding down the emergency stairs after her, calling her name but she was only interested in getting away as quickly as possible. Edward's strong grip finally found her as she ran into the lobby of the hotel. Tears were streaming down her face as Edward spun her around to face him.

"What can I do, Bella. How can I make it better?"

"A bar. I want to go to a bar. Now. As far away from here as possible."

Edward nodded. "I know just the place."

x-x-x-x

Bella turned over and the bright light streamed through her eyelids. She peeled them open. The pain sliced through her head. She tried again, this time more slowly.

_Where the hell am I?_

The room wasn't her own. This was not her village loft. The black sheets weren't hers, nor were the black and white prints hanging off the wall. A warm body shifted next to her and Bella froze. Slowly she turned in the covers and even though she knew who was lying beside her, seeing the shock of auburn hair against his stark white pillow, Bella's heart skipped a beat. The sheet was tangled somewhere near his bellybutton so she had an uninterrupted view of his chest. Flashbacks of running her hands up his chest, feeling each muscle shudder under her fingertips flashed into her mind. The body of the man beside her was not the familiar body of the boy she had once known. Her exploration of his body the night before was as if it was uncharted territory.

Bella closed her eyes and pushed back the memories. Gradually, she lifted the sheet from her body and swung her legs from the bed. The cold breath of the morning scared away the last of her foggy hangover and she took in the room. Items of clothing were strewn everywhere, a path of them leading out of the bedroom. She gathered them up in her hands as she left Edward, sleeping soundly in his bed. She spied the condom wrappers on his bedside table. Three of them. _Wow, three._ At least they had been safe.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck

The mantra ran through her mind. What had she done? She tried the doorhandle for the first door she came to in the hallway, looking for a bathroom. Instead, she found Edward's office. A draft board sat to one side beside a very smart computer and electronic drawing tablet. On the table in the centre of the room sat a model of a house, complete with cut out windows and a front door. Bella almost snorted at the irony. Tall, dark, handsome and good with his hands. Alice would have a field day with this one.

The next door yielded the bathroom and Bella slipped inside to put on her clothes, sans underwear because she had no idea where that was and there was no way she was going back into the bedroom in case Edward woke.

With one last look around Edward's apartment, she left, leaving no trace that she could see, that she had ever been there.

x-x-x-x

Bella paced the length of her living room, staring daggers at her ringing iPhone. It hadn't stopped all afternoon, not that Bella expected anything less. Alice had left several messages that had gotten increasingly frustrated as the day wore on. With the last one, Alice had threatened to give Edward her phone number and let him do the chasing instead. She wouldn't…would she?

Bella groaned in irritation and grabbed for the phone.

"Alice, no I don't want to give you the details, no I don't want to speak to Edward and no, you cannot blackmail it out of me. I don't want to talk about any of it." Bella started, right off the bat before Alice could get a word in. Alice would have been proud of her, if it wasn't Alice on the other end of the line.

"Okay, I get that. We can talk when you are ready, but please can you call him. He's a mess; a hung over, desperate mess. Jasper and I met him for lunch and I have never seen him so out of sorts. He pleaded for your number. He woke up ad you were just gone. No note, no trace, nothing."

"I panicked, okay. I found Mike in a closet with his assistant, Lauren. They were going at it like a pair of rabbits. Edward was with me and took me to a bar to calm down. I vaguely remember a couple of rounds of tequila then the next thing I know, I am waking up next to Edward, hung over, sore and feeling like I was doing the walk of shame five years too late."

"Sore? I'm not surprised. From what I over heard, Mike wasn't the only one at it like rabbits last night. Making up for lost time?" Alice giggled down the phone.

Bella chuckled back. "I told you, no details…yet!"

"I was just checking that you were still meeting us for dinner so we could go over the last of the wedding plans."

Bella slapped her hand to her forehead. Of course, Alice and Jasper's wedding. She would have to face Edward again in three months; he was Jasper's best man.

"No, no. Dinner sounds good. Can we make it somewhere wholly unhealthy and post-night outish?"

"Of course. Jasper suggests Chinese."

"Chinese would be incredible. See you at seven."

* * *

**It seems the chapters are getting longer as i go along here...no bad thing i hear you cry! So just one more chapter to go and then we are finished. **

**HUGE hugs and thanks to my Beta Perry Maxwell for her amazing word and comma skillz! Appletini thingys all round hun!**

**See you in two days.**


	4. Christmas 2010

****

**Better to Have Loved and Lost...**

**Chapter Four - Christmas 2010**

* * *

"That will be $45, miss." The taxi driver yelled through the plastic partition.

"Bella pulled a $50 note out of her wallet and handed it to the driver. He popped the trunk and helped her with her bag and carry on out of the trunk. Bella shivered at the side of the road waiting for him to finish. New York was freezing, literally. The weathermen had been excited over the lowest temperatures in over twenty years. Bella was just simply over it. She had slipped twice on the sidewalk this week and the subway was so cold that she could see her breath.

"Have a nice Christmas, miss." The taxi driver wished her as he handed her the suitcase and carry on. Luckily, Bella was travelling light this holiday. Most of her clothing had been taken care of by Alice and the New Year's Eve wedding she and Jasper were having.

At least she would be escaping the harsh New York winter for a slightly milder one in Forks, Washington. Instead of battling to work she could curl up in front of Charlie's log fire with a good book and a cup of cocoa. That is what Christmas was about.

She had refused Alice's offer of staying at the Cullen's with the rest of the wedding party and opted to stay at Charlie's. The thought of being in a house with Edward sleeping down the hall filled her with anxiety. She had five days between Christmas and the wedding to psych herself up to seeing him.

Bella had checked in her luggage and had headed for the business class longue before her flight. She still had a little work she wanted to do and needed the internet connection for some of it. The waiter had brought her a large latte and she snuggled herself into the comfy seats, grateful for a respite from the hecticness of Christmas.

"I would go with the gin joints line again but you've heard that one from me before." A voice came from behind her.

Bella froze. Oh, this was not good. She had had no warning, no time to build herself up to be ready to see his face again, her walls firmly back up.

"Edward?" She questioned, even though there was no doubt in her mind it was him. Though she had managed to keep the terror out of her voice.

"Oh course it's me. Or does someone else quote 'Casablanca' lines to you?"

Bella shook her head, and tried to hold her face steady as he sat in front of her. "What are you doing here?"

"You seem to ask me that a lot. Is it too farfetched to believe we might bump into each other heading back to Forks for Christmas?"

"Not farfetched, just highly unlikely. Are you on the two o'clock flight?"

"Looks like you and I will be plane buddies."

Bella managed a weak smile. "Goodie."

Edward sat back, peeling in laughter before trying to get a sneaky peak at what was on her laptop screen.

"When did Bella Swan become such a workaholic? It's Christmas, you should be relaxing."

"Not all countries take the same Christmas break we do, Edward, especially in the banking world. I'm just finishing off some end of year reporting so I can completely relax over the break. Also I need the brain space to deal with Alice and all her last minute wedding details. I have had five emails from her since I left my apartment."

Edward chuckled. "I guess it's the bonus of being the best man. Not much to do and only the rings to worry about. At least you get to escape it, staying with Charlie. There is no knowing what I will get drafted into."

"How do you know I am staying with Charlie?"

"I asked, Bella."

"Why?"

"Because you weren't returning messages left through Alice and she wouldn't give me your number."

Bella could not help but smile at the loyalty of her best friend. No doubt Alice was dying for her friend to have the same kind of happily ever after she was getting with Jasper but still she had stuck by Bella and respected her wishes.

"Why didn't you return my calls, Bella? You just left."

"There was nothing that needed to be said, Edward. I had just found my boyfriend in a closet with his assistant. Do you really think we would have slept together if we had been sober?"

"You never gave me a chance to find out."

Bella sat back, her comeback dying in her throat. "What?"

"You upped and left, no way to get in contact with you. That was a low blow, Bella. Once upon a time we were best friends. A long time before all the complications of a relationship got in the way. I'm saying I miss that. I miss having my best friend."

"You never found a new one?"

"No. There was no one but you. Jasper stood in but you were always my best friend."

"I don't understand what you are saying, Edward."

"I'm saying, give me your phone number and maybe we can try the whole friends thing again. I know we may never have what we used to, but anything is better than nothing, right?" He could see Bella's hesitation. "We are in Forks for the next week and a half. Why don't we try it? Catch-up. Go to the old 'Spoons' diner and have our usual chocolate milkshakes…"

"Banana for you." Bella interrupted. "I don't know, Edward. What about that old saying? 'You can never go home again'"

"You have nothing to lose, Bella. If you don't feel comfortable at any point then you can walk away but I think we both owe it to ourselves to try." His voice was almost pleading.

Bella stared at the man in front of her. How much had she wanted this in the past, just a chance to make things right? To find out what drove them apart. Could they ever go back to being just friends?

"Okay." Bella watched as the wide smile she used to love about Edward grew across his face. You would think that she had given him the secret of how to turn metal into gold. "But…we take it slow. It could be that there has been too much water under the bridge."

"Wow, you really are coming out with the cliché's today, huh." Bella playfully jabbed him in the shoulder. "How about we start with coffee? Do you want another?"

Bella looked down at her latte. It was bound to be cold by now. With a sigh she nodded her head and closed her laptop, resigned to the fact that she wasn't getting any work done now.

"Does it count if neither of us is paying for it?"

"Everything counts, BellaBoo."

Bella had a funny feeling he wasn't just talking about the coffee and their new agreement.

x-x-x-x

By the time the plane had landed, Bella and Edward had covered their post-break up lives until they had met up at the airport in 2006. They had carefully skirted around the issue of their break-up and Bella had avoided the issue of Tanya. Neither conversation was suitable for a plane. Bella felt claustrophobic as it was having Edward so close, never mind difficult conversations with no escape.

"How are you getting to Forks?" Edward asked.

"The puddle-jumper to Port Angeles then Alice has offered to pick me up as Charlie is working.

Edward chuckled lightly. "I think we've been set up. Alice rang me randomly to ask if she could book my tickets home for Christmas. Something about knowing what time everyone is getting in to Forks. I'm on the puddle jumper too and she offered to pick me up. Wanna bet we have seats next to each other as well?"

They compared tickets and surely enough, they were sitting in two seats next to each other.

Sneaky little pixie

x-x-x-x

This was the life. Bella was currently curled up in Chief Swan's comfy recliner, a cheesy Christmas song was playing on the radio and there was a fire roaring in the hearth. Bella used to think that scenes like this only existed in Christmas cards and Frank Capra films. Yet here she was. Why had she never noticed it before?

"Bella, there's a phone call for you." Charlie's voice boomed through the house from his room where he was getting ready for work. "And don't get too comfy in that chair, we're still going to see the Clearwaters."

Bella frowned. Who would call her dad's landline and why, oh why, did she have to go and see Leah Clearwater? Her attitude would turn Christmas icier than Ebenezer Scrooge. Bella shook her head. She needed to stop watching the late night Christmas movie marathons.

"Coming Dad." Bella yelled and picked up the extension in the living room. "Hello, Bella Swan."

"Why have you switched your phone off?" Edward's voice floated down the phone at her.

Bella felt her tummy flutter. She picked up her iPhone and saw the 'Emergency Calls Only' message. "Stupid AT&T reception. I've got no signal at my dad's house. "

"Ha ha, I have three bars here. Anyway, Alice gave me your number. You wanna help me with something?"

"What?"

"It's a surprise but I need you to dress warmly, in old clothes and bring your dad's nail gun."

"Okay." Bella agreed, dubiously. "Where am I meeting you?"

"My house."

Bella put down the phone. She pulled on her fur-lined hiking boots on top of her fuzzy socks and shrugged on one of Chief Swan's old ice fishing jackets. She was as snug as a bug in a rug.

"Dad, I'm going over to the Cullen's. Oh, and I am borrowing your nail gun."

"Do I have to warn the Air Ambulance and Dr. Cullen?" Charlie called down from the stairs. "You not going to do that Cullen boy some harm now, are you?"

"No, Chief. Jeeze. I'm just helping Edward with something."

"Okay, I'll be late in tonight so don't wait up and I will order something from the station."

"Sure, sure, dad."

Bella stood in front of a tree in the Cullen backyard. Edward stood beside her, a goofy grin on his face as he held a hammer in one hand and what looked like Carlisle Cullen's tool belt around his waist.

"Okay, Edward, I give in. What are we doing standing out here?"

"Look up."

Bella looked up into the leave-less tree. Its branches were half white with the flurry of snow that had fallen that morning. There nestled in the branches was their old tree house. It looked so much worse for wear than she remembered it. The Washington weather had taken its toll on the wooden structure.

"I had forgotten about that. Wasn't your dad going to tear it down though, after we went to college?"

"He didn't have the heart. I think this would be a very symbolic way of us working on the "friends" thing." He inverted his fingers around the word friends.

"Symbolic?"

"You know, rebuilding our childhood fort as we rebuild our friendship. Come on, BellaBoo. I was going for all deep and meaningful with that statement."

"Wow, Edward Cullen, deep. Who would have thought it?" She joked nudging him so he staggered slightly in the snow. "Well, we'll need wood for this,"

Edward motioned to a timber pile at the side of the trunk. "Dad helped me measure and cut the wood yesterday and I started with the stairs this morning. So at least I know you won't fall and break your neck by using rotten planks."

"Why does everyone feel the need to remind me that I am clumsy? Do I need to remind you how you broke your arm?"

Edward blushed deeply. "No."

Bella laughed. Chief Swan had removed the lattice work from outside of Bella's window after Edward's little Romeo and Juliet stunt when they were eleven.

Slowly, throughout the day, piece by piece, they replaced the rotten wood and laid a new, solid floor for the tree house that had once been their playhouse. Not even Jasper had been allowed in. They had saved the old carved piece of timber that read 'E&B – BEST FRIENDS FOREVER'. Oh, how she had wished 'BFF' had been invented back them. It had taken Edward the Perfectionist hours to finish it. While they worked they caught up on the rest of their lives apart.

Edward had opened up about his marriage, explaining how he and Tanya had separated after three years of trying to make it work. It had taken over a year to finalize as Tanya held out for every penny she could get her hands on.

Bella had told him how she had managed her way through university, her nose to the grind to keep her full-scholarship. She had regaled him with stories of her travels and cultural faux pas. He asked her again what had happened to her dreams of peace and democracy. She simply told him that she had made new dreams and that, while she wishes some things could have been different, she had no regrets.

Just as the sun had started to lower in the sky, Esme had come out with mugs of steaming hot chocolate. She had been in her element, buzzing around the house and running around after Alice. It certainly gave Bella more free time. Esme had also delighted in having her surrogate daughter back in town and hanging around.

Edward and Bella had managed to squeeze themselves into the open doorway of their new and improved tree house. You still had to crawl into it, but at least it was big enough to lie down in.

"I can't believe we did it. It looks much better than it did when we first built it."

"That's because our dad's built it without looking at the plan and with no idea what they were doing. I am surprised that it's stayed standing for as long."

"My mom always used to joke it was held together with love."

"Well, now Alice and Jasper's kids can come play in it when they come to visit."

"I always thought it would be our kids that would take it over. Play in it like we used to…well not completely like we used to." Edward blushed when he thought back to that amazing New Year's Eve night. Hel felt Bella stiffen beside him. "God, I'm sorry. Too much, too soon?"

Bella took deep breaths, trying to get the color back into her face. "No, it's not that. They were good times."

"Then what is it, Bella?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Bella. Look at you. You're white as a sheet and your hands are shaking. What did I say?"

Bella felt a tear slip down her cheek.

"You can tell me anything, Bella. I promise I won't judge you."

"Oh, you will. You will hate me for this." More tears fell and Edward drew her into a side hug.

"I won't, I promise."

Bella took a deep breath and moved away from him. She needed space to tell him this. To give him space when he got up and left her again.

"When I came to see you, at Harvard, I had something to tell you. But then we broke up and I thought it was best if you didn't have to know. I could shoulder it all on my own."

"Bella, you're not making much sense. Did something happen? Is that why you were so desperate to get in contact with me?" Bella nodded. "What happened, honey? Please tell me."

"You remember that New Year's Eve, the first Christmas we came home from college?"

"You mean us in the tree house?"

"Yeah. Well I had been on antibiotics for a chest infection and we didn't use protection." She could see the pieces clicking together in his brain. "I should have realized, I should have told you but I just didn't think and we were all caught up in being back together…" She trailed off.

"You were pregnant?"

"Yes. I found about six weeks later. God, Edward. I was so confused and didn't know who to tell or what to do and you were so busy with your courses. I was so scared. I had watched the girls who dropped out of high school when they fell pregnant and I didn't want to be one of them. I tried to tell you, but you sounded like you were settling into college life and having a ball. I knew if I told you, you would come home and I didn't want that. I wanted you to have your dreams."Bella took a deep breath and realized she was talking so fast. It was spilling out of her, unfiltered and unmonitored.

"What happened, Bella? What happened to the baby?" Edward sounded almost frantic.

"That's why I was so desperate to get in contact with you. I lost the baby, Edward. I was trying to look after myself, but school was hard and trying to keep up with my subjects with the morning sickness."

Edward pulled her back to his side, cradling her head in his shoulder while kissing the top of her head. Anything to show her he was there.

"The doctor said it was just one of those things, nothing that could be done. My body wasn't ready for a baby yet. Alice came with me to the hospital when I couldn't get a hold of you. I was ten weeks pregnant."

Edward held Bella as they both cried. Each tear healing Bella's broken heart and helping Edward to understand where they had both gone so wrong.

"You should have told me, Bella. You should never have gone through that alone."

"I wasn't alone. I stayed with Alice while I recovered from the operation and then slowly got on with life again. You didn't need to know. When we broke up, I thought I would save us both from having to feel the pain of it all. I could shoulder it on my own."

"I didn't know. How could I have hurt you so much? I wish I had made the effort to talk things out with you. To get through the bump in the road. We both knew that the first year of being apart wasn't going to be easy, but I should have tried harder."

Bella grabbed Edward's free hand that was sitting in his lap. Her fingers intertwined with his. A feeling of home flooded over her. "We both should have."

x-x-x-x

"By the power invested in me, by the state of Washington and Almighty God, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

The crowd applauded as Jasper dipped Alice to the floor and kissed her soundly for a little longer than what was decent. Bella and Edward gazed at each other over the kissing couple and smiled. Both knew what the other was thinking.

Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Cullen had finally made it down the aisle. After a week, interrupted by a Cullen, Swan, Brandon Christmas extravaganza, Bella and Edward watched their friend and brother finally tie the knot. It had been a sprint to the finish, interwoven with snatched moments and clandestine make-out sessions. Now that things were out in the open with Bella and Edward and they were talking through their issues, when their tongues weren't down each other's throat, they had moved beyond just friends. Not that Bella and Edward could ever be just friends. They had always been more.

There was also the unspoken agreement of no pressure and no labels. They were just seeing where this would take them. That was a big part of the reason why they weren't telling their families yet, especially the all-seeing Alice.

Bella sat back in the padded chair. Edward had disappeared an hour ago and no one knew where he was. Alice was dancing sloppily with Jasper on the dance floor as the party wound down. Alice had reached her limit of glasses of champagne and then some. She had screeched when she discovered that instead of the lavender silk shoes Alice had picked out to match her dress, Bella was wearing her sheep's wool lined Ugg boots. Luckily, Edward had whisked his new sister-in-law away into a dance before she could do much damage.

"Psst." A hiss came from behind her. "Psst." It came louder.

Bella twisted in her chair to find a tieless Edward sticking only is head through the gap in the marquee that was erected in the Cullen back garden. She got up and walked towards him.

"Edward, where the hell have you been?"

"You'll see. I have a surprise for you."

Bella's face softened. "Will I need my nail gun?"

"Nope, I have one right here."

Edward looked down at his crotch and wiggled his eye brows. Yep he was definitely tipsy.

"Come on, BellaBoo. I have to show you something."

He pulled Bella from the heated marquee and across the garden to where their tree was near the back. The tree house had been painted since their tell-all discussion over a week ago. It now looked like a real miniature house complete with a false white picket fence that Esme had added under the cloak of darkness. They had fixed clear tarp over the gaps that passed for windows to keep the weather out when it wasn't being used. Bella could see that the tree house wasn't completely dark as it should have been. The windows showed a soft light in the house.

"Edward, what's going on?"

"Do you trust me?"

Bella nodded.

"Then climb up and find out."

Bella took the first step on the wooden ladder, glad she had worn boots under the dress, and Edward held her dress free from behind. She pushed open the front door to find that the small area had fairy lights hung around where the walls met the pitched roof. She felt Edward come up behind her, standing on the rug below her bringing his lips in line with her ear. His hot breath breezed over the cold shell of her ear.

"I would carry you over the threshold but one of us barely fits through the door never mind both of us."

Bella giggled and pulled herself up into the house and helped Edward in behind her. The floor was covered in what looked like sleeping bags and cushions.

"What is going on?"

"I thought we could create a little of the old magic. We had some fun times in this house."

"Some amazing times. I thought it was time we made some more."

Bella looked around the set-up, a knot in her stomach. It was all perfect, too perfect. Edward sensed the moment Bella began second guessing herself.

"Nothing has to happen, Bella. I just wanted to do something nice for you. To put a new beginning on this…whatever _this_ is. I love you, I've always loved you. I think that's why Tanya and I never worked. I loved you even when we are apart."

"Edward, are you seriously talking about your ex-wife while trying to seduce me in the little love den you've got going on here."

"No, I'm just trying to make you understand. I never stopped loving you."

Bella had expected to shiver in the cold December weather. Snow had started to fall and she had seen their breath in the air earlier. "Why is it so warm in here?"

Edward pointed above them. A bar heater was suspended from the roof, a cable existing with the fairy lights.

"I bet you think you are so clever, arranging all this."

"I wanted this to be special. I want you."

Bella pulled Edward close to her, feeling the hard planes of his chest through the thin silk of her dress. Her lips were soft against his, that sense of coming home filling her again. Each feeling that coursed through her was spelled out in her kisses. Slowly she pulled away, licking her lips to taste him. Nine years may have passed and Edward had changed physically from the boy she once knew, but his taste remained the same.

"I love you, Edward. There has never been anyone else but you."

Her fingers gingerly reached for the buttons of his white shirt. The thick grey tie that matched his tuxedo had long been shed. The buttons slipped away easily under her now steady fingertips. Edward never broke her gaze, green eyes boring into brown. The final button came away and Bella lazily ran her hands up his chest, reacquainting herself with each ridge and groove.

His muscles quivered. A groan escaped his throat. Bella felt it rumble, deep in her core. Edward pushed the last of her fallen ringlets back behind her shoulder and reached for the ribbon bindings of her dress at her back. Bella laid small, open mouthed kisses on his neck breathing in his scent; sandalwood and a smell that was completely unique to him. Finally her bindings gave way and Bella felt her first full breaths all day enter her lungs. His hands skimmed her skin.

"God, Edward. That feels so good." He scrapped his fingernails gently against her to amplify the feeling. "So good. I missed this." Bella whispered into his skin.

Edward lowered his head to kiss at the exposed skin, the top of her nipple just visible. Hands pulled at the dress until he could grip the peak in his mouth. Bella gasped, her hands pulling on his hair until Edward felt a delicious pain at the roots.

"I need this off." Edward rasped.

He gathered the dress in his hands at her waist and pulled it over her head. Her hair fell back down against her naked skin, tumbled and looking thoroughly mused. She pushed him backwards until he was seated, his back against the back of the tree house so they both had more room.

She sucked in a deep breath as Edward's lips found her skin again. He licked and sucked his way down her neck, nibbling at her collarbone as he found her breasts again, cupping them in his hands. She arched her back, silently begging for more. He languished attention on her, keeping her on the edge but never quite taking over it.

"Please, Edward. More…I need more."

Bella cried out as he clamped down on her nipple and bit gently into it. She could see stars behind her eyes lids as she came. His hands on her body were the only thing keeping her grounded. It had been so long.

She opened her eyes lazily as the last of her orgasm faded. His apple-eyes stared back at her, now evergreen with lust.

"I need to feel you. I need you inside of me. Now." Bella rasped as she peeled the shirt from his shoulders and quickly moved to his belt. He sat up slightly, using his hands for leverage as Bella peeled his pants and boxers from his body. A faint slick of sweat covered them as Edward drew Bella to straddle him.

His hands ran up her thighs to her waist, no hesitation, no second guessing as to where they were heading.

"How long have you had no underwear on?" Edward groaned.

"Since dinner. You had me all wet and bothered from feeling me up under the table. My panties were completely ruined."

Bella ground her wetness into his rock-hard cock. She could feel him swell harder under her, his breathing coming in harsh, short pants.

"You could have…told me." He managed, his fingers tightening against her hips.

"Where would the fun in that be?"

"God, I want you so much right now. You have no idea what you do to me, Bella."

"I can feel every inch of what I do to you." To hammer home her point, she ground down even harder on him. "If you want me, take me." Bella bit out, snark creeping into her voice with the command. If Edward wanted this, he had to step up and take it.

"I can't wait…" He growled, lifting her so she sat right above the head of him. "We should…we need…protection." At least some part of his mind was still sane in the reality of the situation.

"I'm protected, Edward. I promise. No mistakes this time." His gaze met hers, a flash of sorrow for what had been before they darkened in passion again. "Please, Edward…please."

With no warning, he let her go. Bella's back arched as she felt him fill her. The delirious pain as he stretched her. It had been so long since she had been with anyone this way. He filled her so completely. Edward buried his head in the crook of her shoulder, his teeth biting down of her skin as he struggled to contain himself. So warm. So tight. It all felt so completely right. This is what he had been missing. What had eluded him for so long.

"Fuck, Bella. Fuck." He groaned, he was so close. So very close.

Bella closed her eyes and drowned herself in the sounds Edward was making. She could feel the tell-tale tightening in her stomach. She could feel the edge and was more than ready to fall over, but she wouldn't go alone.

"I'm close, Edward. I need…come with me."

Edward could feel her contracting around him, her mews and pants driving him further on. His balls tightened, the muscles in his neck taut and strained as he threw his head back against the wooden tree house wall. He reached down between them and rubbed her clit. That was all she needed. Her eyes flew open and met his, her mouth parted in a silent scream.

The orgasm washed over her, her whole body alive and burning.

"Edward…Edward…" She managed, her voice barely a whisper.

He pulled her close as his erratic thrusts slowed. Their bodies were sticky and soaked in sweat but still he held her so close to him. Their heartbeats echoing each other.

Gently Edward eased them down so they lay mostly flat. Edward drew Bella into his chest, her back heaving against him. He drew the excess sleeping bags over them as they drifted off to sleep.

x-x-x-x

Bella blinked slowly awake. The sunlight was harsh against her grainy eyes.

_Why is it so bright?_

The mattress below wasn't soft like it should be. In fact, it was hard, warm and moving. Suddenly, she remembered where she was. The tree house. Making love to Edward. Bella turned her head and found bright green eyes staring back at her.

"Morning, sunshine." His voice was gravely, husky from sleep.

"Morning." Bella stretched her limbs, feeling the slight soreness in her legs. A wide smile spread across her face as she remembered the night before.

"I hope that smile means you aren't running out on me this time." His arms tightened around her.

"No more running, I promise, Edward. I don't think I could run if I tried to. I can't leave you again."

"Where does this leave us?" He asked, a hint of fear in his voice.

"I want this. God, I want this so much. I can't bear the thought of not waking up to you every day. The thought of even a day apart…" Bella buried her face in his shoulder as the memories of nine years ago came to mind.

"Then stay with me. You're the first girl I ever kissed, Bella, and I want you to be the last."

"Forever?"

"Forever." Edward confirmed.

**Summer 2011**

"Hi, we're checking in for the four o'clock to Seattle."

"Names please." The ticket agent asked.

"Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan…"

"Just." Bella muttered out of the side of her mouth. Edward chuckled.

"I.D's please."

Bella and Edward handed them over.

"So two business class seats. Ah, I see it has here wedding party."

"Yep, that's us." Bella mused.

"Oh, wonderful. Who is getting married?"

"We are." Edward exclaimed as if announcing he had just found the cure to cancer.

"Well then, I guess we can upgrade you to first class."

"The airline said we could take on an additional carry-on item each. Is that still okay?"

"Of course. What do you have?"

"Suit and shoes." Edward held up a fold over garment bag.

"Dress, shoes and rings." Bella muttered. "I'm not letting them out of my sight."

"Excellent. Here are your tickets, you get priority boarding. These are your lounge passes. Congratulations and I hope you have an amazing day."

Bella and Edward made their way through security, Bella watching their bags go through the scanners like a hawk. She didn't need much to marry Edward. Just some clothes and the rings. A priest was easy to find. So easy in fact, she wanted to elope to Vegas.

Bella took a seat in the lounge, carefully placing the bags flat and within reach. Edward went to the bar and brought her back a glass of red wine.

She took a sip. "Oh, that tastes good. Remind me again why we are going all the way to Forks to get married. I thought my Vegas idea was solid."

"You and I both know that you don't want to be married by Elvis. You always wanted a small wedding with our friends and family. We would never get married anywhere else. Moreover, my mom might maim you if we eloped and I happen to think you are beautiful just the way you are."

"You have a fair point there." She took another sip of wine. "You do realise that if it wasn't for the business class lounges, we wouldn't be sitting here, together, on the way to get married."

"True. Maybe we should get married in one. Right here, right now. I think mom would forgive us this but not Vegas.

"We can't. Anyway. This doesn't count. This is the first class lounge."

"We're going up in the world."

"Always." Edward muttered before claiming Bella's lips. "Always."

* * *

**So there you have it, we went from break-up to break-down to lemon to HEA in four chapters! Now, throw me some love (or serious dislike) in a review and let me know your thoughts. **

**Thank you to my awesomely amazing beta Perry Maxwell who read through this entire thing while trying to write her own epic story.**

**Last thing, if anyone can get the 7 quotes or famous people references in this one-shot, I will give them w****hatever they want (within reason – I am think more along the lines of virtual chocolate chip cookies).**


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